THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED VIA TINYLETTER ON DATE STAMPED

A friend once shared to me she’s cheated, and multiple times. She used to, she said, until she did it again.

“He’s trying to make it up to me,” she shared. She confessed to her boyfriend who, though he was hurt, didn’t act up. “He’s trying to do the things I’ve been wanting him to do—be more expressive, share more about his day, etc.”

“Don’t you think he’s doing all that because you’ve hurt him so bad?”

“Well, of course I know I hurt him…”

“Doesn’t that hurt you?”

Because I couldn’t do that to J. I couldn’t make him feel he has to prove himself worthy of my love and faithfulness. And sure, you will inevitably hurt each other in a relationship. But every time I do to J, even with the pettiest thing, I feel my heart breaking inside my chest. My heart hurts when his does, most especially if it’s my own doing.

I hope we all find someone whose heart we cannot take hurting.

This is the fifth instalment of my ‘a paragraph a day’ project, where I try to write at least one paragraph everyday. No outlines. No letting things sit in my drafts. No proofreads. Just write… even shit. The most important thing is I’m writing.